"We'll see"

"Mom, can I have this?"
"We'll see."
"'We'll see' means no!"

How many times did that exchange play out when we were kids? At least once a week during the trip to Granite Falls to get groceries and [maybe] stop by the Ben Franklin, at least when Grandma was working. I'm sure it happened even more frequently when we visited the metropolis of Marshall and went to Woolworths, ShopKo, Alco, and (on rare occasions) the mall.

My brothers and I longed to have the toys that the kids in the TV commercials played with, thinking that we too could make the Hot Wheels cars fly off ramps and magically land on the ground and keep rolling through the checkered flag... or the My Little Pony that would gallop along, mane flowing in a gentle breeze, then returning to the stable to be groomed and pampered and tucked into her little pony bed. All the wonderfully fun-looking games like Hungry-Hungry Hippos, Rock-em Sock-em Robots and Simon, and don't get me started on all the cool action figures and special edition Barbies and Cabbage Patch Kids, not to mention the always-coveted video game systems.

I'm not trying to paint a bleak and sparse picture of my childhood. To the contrary, we did get toys for Christmases and birthdays. And I'm sure each time we bargained, begged and/or pleaded for a certain toy, mom was making a mental note of it as she said, "we'll see." But to us at the time, we felt horribly cheated and marginalized. We were absolutely certain that "all the other kids had [insert-over-priced-plastic-toy-or-sugary-candy-here]" so why couldn't we? It wasn't fair! Ah, the eternal childhood lament.

My mom was, and is, a frugal person who has always had a keen eye for a discount, bargain, deal, freebie or coupon. We would often tease her about it and try to get her to buy things that weren't on sale, occasionally slipping full-priced items into the cart, only to have her immediately notice it and tell ask us to put it back.

As a kid, I accepted that that's just how it was. And a part of me was eternally pouty. I thought that "we'll see" was just a cruel phrase -- that mom never intended to buy whatever "it" was for us, before or after we asked for it, probably out of some arcane philosophy that kids should play outside with sticks and dirt (or something).

But as all kids do, I grew up.

Now, more than ever, I realize what mom's true intentions were. Clipping coupons and watching the sales circulars weren't just fun hobbies while we were growing up, it was a necessity. There were some pretty lean years on the farm, particularly during times of drought, and with one income, every penny had to be stretched to the absolute limit.

I'm sure it was hard for mom to see her kids yearning for toys that she truly did want to buy for us. I'm not yet a parent, but I do have an understanding of wanting to spoil little kids, just to see their faces light up and hear them laugh with delight. It had to be especially hard for her when we kept asking over and over again if we could have this or do that, knowing that each request carried a significant price tag and that she would have to somehow convey that we couldn't.

All this is to say that I suspect mom chose the words, "we'll see" because it was less painful than "no." The word "no" is so final and completely squashes any hope, and telling your child "no" when you so much want the answer to be "yes" had to be crushing. "We'll see" was a way around that, leaving the possibility open, just in case something changed and she would in fact be able to give in to our whining.

This Mother's Day, I wanted to write this blog to let my mom know that I get it. I get that she was doing the best she could with the resources she had at the time. And that even though I never did get a Lite-Brite or a Moncchichi Girl Doll or Perfection or a Skip-It, I wouldn't have traded my childhood for that of any of the kids who had all those toys and then some.

Now I understand that "we'll see" meant LOVE.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Long overdue (or Movin' on up - part 2)

When I think about the circumstances that brought me to Richmond, VA, in June 2005, and my initial reaction to being there, I never could have predicted that I would grow to love (and now miss) it and its people so much. It truly is a special place with a big city heart and a small town feel. On its own, Richmond could be any city. It has all the requisite ingredients for an urban landscape... large and small businesses, real estate, mass transit, restaurants, sports teams, arts and culture, etc. But what makes it special is, of course, the people.

So,this is my long overdue thank-you-love-letter to Richmond, Virginia and all who dwell there, especially those I had the pleasure of knowing over the past seven years. And it was indeed a pleasure.

Theatre IV/Barksdale Theatre and the Richmond Theatre Community

I spent the first month and a half in Richmond unemployed. I was lonely, homesick, and (I'll just go ahead and say it) miserable. I had farmed out my resume to practically every arts organization in town as soon as I got there. Each and every time, the response was, "we're not hiring now, but we'll keep your resume on file." Not exactly music to my ears, especially with mounting expenses.

In late July I answered an ad in the paper for a part-time gig working for a Business Consultant and Executive Coach, Rich Russakoff. [I am probably the last person on earth who got a job answering an ad in the paper.] The work was interesting, helped pay some bills and Rich was wonderful to work with -- we still keep in touch. But I still needed something full-time.

Enter Michelle Prior, former Director of Development at Theatre IV/Barksdale Theatre. She called me one day in August. She was one of those people who "kept my resume on file." She had taken a job elsewhere and they were looking for an Annual Fund Manager. I interviewed with Michelle, Phil Whiteway and Bruce Miller, was hired, and started work on August 19.

I have never loved a job as much as I loved working at Theatre IV/Barskdale. Sure, it had its ups and downs, as does any job, particularly any non-profit job. But the ups far outweighed the downs, and I am grateful for each moment I got to be part of that remarkable staff, not to mention the opportunity to appear on stage. Truly a gift.

Thank you, Phil and Bruce, for taking a chance on me, and to all my former coworkers who made each day a joy -- Jennings, Liz, Tony, Kate, Katie, Brittany, Chase, Lucas, Tracy, Sara, Natalie, Andy, Ford, Jeanie, Gordon, Ronnie, Eric, Janine, Shannon, Laine, Jillian, BC, David, Jessica, Joy, Deejay, Sue, Sarah, Lynn, Marcia, Hans, Luke, Bruce, Wendy, Doug, Jenna, Derek, James, & Tom. Thank you, Richmond actors, directors, designers, technicians -- my FRIENDS -- for embracing me with open arms and becoming such an important part of my life. I think about you daily.

Rock Band

On my list of "wish-I-woulda"s before leaving Richmond would have been getting to know the local music scene a little better. It seemed like the indie music culture wasn't as in-your-face as I had expected, and to uncover it required some sleuthing. I did, however, get a chance to play a couple times in a "party band" for lack of a better term, thanks to a Theatre IV coworker, John, discovering that I played the piano. I played keyboards with The Nixon Years, which is how I met Greg, Ceci, Jesse, et. al. -- music loving friends who accepted me into their circle even though they constantly reminded me how "young" I was. 

Penny Lane Pub

I honestly can't remember the first time I went to Penny Lane Pub on 5th and Franklin. I know it was with Billy Christopher Maupin, and maybe some others, although the memory is lost in a haze of ale and cider. But it was early on in my Richmond life, and it was there that I got to sew my wild karaoke Hall & Oates. If I had a mantle, my Female Vocalist of the Year and Entertainer of the Year trophies would be on it.

Not only did I find my voice at Penny Lane, I found some great friends as well, namely Catalina, Pipe, Joe, Karen, and of course, KJ of the century, Jason Power. Some of my favorite Richmond memories happened at Penny Lane, so I thank you all for making that possible. 

Area 10 Faith Community

Through my friendship with Catalina and a well-placed neighborhood flyer, I learned that there was a new church starting up that was meeting at the Byrd Theater in Carytown. So I went. And I liked it. And a little while later I joined the worship team. And I liked that too. And then a couple summers later I volunteered on a service trip to Vietnam. And that was life-changing.

Thank you, Chris Barras, and thank you Laura, Gwenyth, Marci, George, Keith, Brittany, Helen, Marissa, Jessica, Terry and Bob for experiencing Vietnam with me and sharing the joy of the orphans of SS3. And thank you Bic, Pink, Dat, Thao and Xu for sharing your beautiful country--and your beautiful selves!

Mr. Jones, Ms. Freim, The Pattersons and the Other Joneses

[Of course I have to acknowledge my now-husband in this espistle!]

I met Robb at a New Year's Eve get-together five and a half years ago. We quickly became friends and it was just in time, because my life began heading in a direction I never would have anticipated. I leaned on his friendship a lot as I muddled my way through a divorce, drawing comfort from the fact that he too had been through a similar situation. A few years later, our relationship progressed to the point of a marriage proposal on October 29th, 2011 in Rodanthe, NC and we got married 5 years to the day after we first met. (It was the perfect example of Romans 8:28.)

Through Robb, I got to meet and become part of the lives of some other wonderful people -- his family. I owe a huge thank-you to Elaine Freim, Robb's sweet and generous mother, who has a heart bigger than Texas and is always willing to share it; Robb's sister, brother-in-law, nephews & niece -- Jennifer & Bill Patterson and Caleb, Nathan & Eleanor -- who graciously let me share their brother and uncle, [especially Caleb who, as he pointed out, has known Uncle Robbie since birth, which is longer than I have... duly noted] and who never hesitate to extend their love and hospitality; and finally Robb's dad, Don, and step-mom, Vicky, who lovingly ushered me into the world of "pickin'" and in the case of Don, provided me a glimpse as to the origin of some of Robb's traits. I am grateful to all of you for accepting me into your family and I look forward to seeing you all again soon!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Contrary to how it may have appeared, the decision to move to Minnesota was far from easy. I was finally at a point where I was content calling Richmond "home." But, it was time to go. While the move has presented its share of challenges, Robb and I both feel confident that it was the right decision at this point in our life together. Who knows... maybe we will be led back to Richmond in a year or two? Or Albequerque? Or Tanzania? Or Greenland? (Right, Nate?)

There are so many others who I could thank by name who made a lasting impact on me during my time in Richmond... my friends at the Mill, my Sanders family, my Quilters sisters, and so many more... suffice it to say that I love you ALL very much. And so I leave you with a scene that quite appropriately sums up how it felt to leave:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmkG6pnr7-g

(I couldn't embed it because of copyright, blah blah blah.)

Love you all!

XOXO

Movin' on up (part 1)

Minneapolis skyline

For some, this might be old news... for others, it might be a total shock. But at the end of this month, Robbie and I are moving to Minnesota. Yes, it is cold there. No, it is not Canada. (Well, not quite anyway.)

I accepted a job at Fox Consulting, a fundraising consulting firm in Minneapolis whose primary clients are nonprofits and community colleges. In a nutshell, I'll get to continue working with top-notch nonprofits, while earning a for-profit salary. The best of both worlds! My family, all of whom still live in Minnesota, is thrilled about us being closer.

While being near to my family will be wonderful, it was only one of several factors that went into this decision to accept the job and move northward -- a decision that was not made lightly. The move will impact not just our lives, but the lives of many other people who are near and dear to our hearts, in particular members of Robb's family who live in nearby Gloucester, VA. But we both feel that this is a God-given opportunity -- one that will result in positive changes for both of us, and one we would be foolish to pass up.

In my mind, the collective Twin Cities are like the Portland of the Upper Midwest. It is a metropolitan area bursting with art, music, theatre, parks, libraries, lakes, architecture, politics, cultures, restaurants, nonprofits and on and on and on. While not quite as "green" as Portland, the greenest-of-the-green metro areas, the Twin Cities are environmentally conscious leaders in energy responsibility. The public transit system is one of the best I've experienced, with light rail, commuter rail, and dedicated and regular bus lines. The Twin Cities beat out Portland as the #1 bike-friendly metro area in the country (according to Bicycling Magazine), with dozens of dedicated bike lanes and greenways. To me, one of the most impressive things about the Twin Cities is how clean they are -- and I'm not just talking about lack of litter on the sidewalk (which in itself is impressive). For a community that size, the air is breathable, the lakes are swimmable, and it's evident that residents take a collective sense of pride in the appearance of their communities.

Our soon-to-be St. Paul home

When Robb and I visited last month, we meandered through neighborhoods in both cities. Robb remarked (and I was reminded) how each city has a completely unique vibe, even though the downtowns are only 10 miles apart. We looked at a duplex in the Crocus Hill neighborhood of St. Paul that we both loved. Even though we saw other properties during our stay, we kept coming back to Osceola Ave., and were elated to learn our application was approved.

We are optimistic that Robb will find work, as the Twin Cities metro area is a regional printing hub. Eventually, he would like to go back to school for a degree in forestry/environmental science, and it just so happens that the University of Minnesota has a wonderful program. A definite plus!

I know I am probably a bit biased in my love of "the Cities," having lived in both Minneapolis and St. Paul over a five-year period before moving to Richmond. And I can almost guarantee that there are Twin Cities residents who would find counter-points to each of my glowing appraisals. No city is perfect, and I know that. But I can't deny that every time I have gone back, I've felt like I was going home. I am excited to be making it my home once again.

I plan to write another post in the near future to say my goodbyes to Richmond and the people here who have worked their way into my heart over the last seven years. I guess you could say I'm deliberately putting it off...... yah, you bet I am.

Pseudo MySpace survey

Ok, pry open those memory banks with me for just a moment. Remember MySpace? Yah, come on, of course you do. That pre-Facebook social networking site with all the bugs and bad music... yeaaah, that's the one!

My friend Valerie tagged me in this blogging get-to-know-you survey thingy. It totally reminds me of the surveys folks used to fill out and post on MySpace. I thought those were fun, and yes, I miss them, so I'll oblige with this one too.

There are six rules.

1. Post these rules.
2. Post 11 random things about yourself.
3. Answer the questions set for you in the original post (i.e., Valerie's for me).
4. Create 11 new questions and tag people to answer them.
5. Go to their blog and tell them you've tagged them.
6. No saying, "If you are reading this, you're tagged."

11 random things about me:

1. I'm nearly ambidextrous. I write right-handed, but can write fairly legibly left-handed, and can draw and paint left-handed. I can do everything else with either hand (but prefer the left).
2. I grew up on a farm in rural Minnesota.
3. Red is my favorite color.
4. I am the oldest of three siblings, and the only girl.
5. I went through a period where I was allergic to Budweiser.
6. My ancestry is Norwegian, Ukrainian, German & English.
7. There were 37 people in my high school graduating class.
8. I went to happy hour with violinist, Joshua Bell.
9. I drive a stick shift.
10. My first role in a play was Donna Lucia d'Alvadorez in Charley's Aunt.
11. My birthday is on Christmas Eve.

Valerie's questions for me:

1. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes, many times, although nothing too drastic. I don't have any "I-wanted-blonde-but-it-turned-out-magenta" stories.
2. Do you prefer dogs, cats, or some other creature? Don't make me choose! I love both dogs and cats. Have cats now but would really love to have a dog again.
3. Did you participate in a sport in college?  If so, what sport? Nope, I was one of those band/choir nerds. I did go to aerobics class a few times a week though, if that counts!
4. What is your favorite hobby?  Anything art-related, specifically stained glass or drawing.
5. Where is the most memorable place you've ever been? The SS3 orphanage outside Hanoi, Vietnam.
6. What is the one physical trait you like most about yourself? Eyes.
7. What is your biggest pet peeve? Grammatical errors (their/they're/there, your/you're, using an apostrophe to make "word's" plural -- I could go onnnnnn)
8. What is your favorite thing to do for exercise? The truth is, I just plain don't like exercise. However, I could (and have) hiked all day long, or paddle a canoe for miles. I guess I need scenery to make exercise bearable! 
9. Have you ever broken a bone?  If so, where? Nope, but when I was in elementary school I always wanted to have a broken bone so my friends could sign my cast.
10. What is the worst job you've ever had? One summer when I was 15 I worked for a neighboring farmer chopping stray corn out of his soybean fields with a hoe. It was hot, muggy, buggy, and also I sliced my leg open on his barbed wire fence. Not to mention there seemed to be more corn in those fields than soybeans. 
11. If you could do anything in the world, just once, what would it be? Skydive. Just once.

MY questions for.... hmm, let's see.... [considering who might do this]................ CYNTHIA!

1. Who is your favorite band/musician?
2. Where does your furthest-away relative live?
3. Are you a nail-biter?
4. What was your major in college?
5. What was your favorite vacation as a kid?
6. What gives you the biggest thrill?
7. Have you ever sold anything on eBay? If so, what was it?
8. What's your favorite TV show of all time?
9. Have you ever run in a race?
10. If you could live anywhere but where you currently live for one year, where would it be?
11. What's your favorite thing in life?

I am in the midst of writing another blog post to get this thing caught up to my life, but this was a fun diversion. Go to it, Cynthia, your turn! ;)

Ya only get married... twice!

We did it! 

The  Wedding Party with our Families

Robb and I tied the knot on December 31, 2011, at a beautiful and personal evening ceremony, officiated by Rev. Michael "Pipe" Sloan. It was about 30 minutes in length, with lots of heart-felt words of wisdom and a few jokes thrown in for good measure. It was perfect, and we expected no less from our gifted friend. Robb's best man was his best friend for 25+ years, Norman Clark. My matron of honor was my cousin and friend for just as long, Mary Collins. 

About 25 friends and family members were witnesses as we exchanged our vows on the stage and set of My Fair Lady at the historic Empire Theatre, which just had its 100th Birthday on Christmas Day. Thank you Phil Whiteway and Bruce Miller for allowing us to use this magnificent space for our most special day. Thanks also to the production team of Theatre IV/Barksdale for making everything look beautiful -- the lights, the stage, the marquee, the lobby, and on and on. Picture perfect.

Anthony, David & Drew

Music before and after the ceremony was provided by my wonderful friends and castmates, Anthony Smith (flute and piano), David Janeski (mandolin and guitar) and Drew Perkins (violin and guitar). The entrance and dismissal songs -- Wexford Carol and Sussex Carol -- were taken from the show we all did together, Blue Ridge Mountain Christmas. I'm so grateful to these guys for their perfect playing.

After the ceremony, we walked across the street to Tarrant's Cafe for an absolutely mouth-watering dinner and champagne toasts.

Following dinner, we headed back to the Empire for a dessert buffet reception with about 85 of our friends and family. Holly Timberline baked up a confectionery storm and several guests also shared some favorite sweet treats (Jennifer Patterson, Gordon Bass, Sara Heifetz, Cat Thomas, the Moms and yours truly). We also had about six dozen cupcakes from Lola's Bakery. Yum!

Robb's mom, Elaine Freim, absolutely transformed the lobby with her beautiful decorations. Throughout the night, I heard directly and indirectly how festive and magical everything looked. Our floral arrangements were created by Designs by Ron, a neighbor of the theatre and a brilliant florist who took what I had described and exceeded my expectations.

The night culminated in a New Year's count- down with the New York City ball drop broad- casting on the flatscreen in the lobby, and Robb and I running through a tunnel of cheers and sparklers to our getaway car. :)

I have to say a HUGE thanks to my parents, Wes and Janette Cole, and my brother, Nate Cole, who traveled from Minnesota not just to attend, but to help set up, take down, bake, run errands, decorate, take video, and offer their moral (and financial!) support during the flurry of activity. I'm so glad they were here to share in the details! I also want to extend heartfelt thanks to our photographer, Greg Garner, who also went above and beyond to photograph the entire night. Most of the photos you see here were taken by him -- as you can see, he is super talented! www.bluegoostudios.com

Donna, Jennings & Phil Whiteway

I cannot write one more word without saying perhaps the biggest thank-you of all to my friend, coworker and best wedding planner ever, JENNINGS WHITEWAY. She worked behind the scenes to make everything run like clockwork, handling and diverting potential catastrophes without breaking a sweat, and more importantly, without me knowing it! She is so gifted at what she does and I can't begin to thank her for helping to make our wedding day truly magical.

Robb and I took a mini-honeymoon for a few days to the Outer Banks, to the beach house in Rodanthe where we got enga- ged. Many thanks to another coworker and friend, Tracy Coogle, and her mom Pat Cully, for generously offering to let us come back to bring the story full circle. We had such a wonderfully relaxing time!

For both Robb and me, this is our second go-round at marriage. But, we both feel certain that the second time is the charm. ♥

Vanishing vapor

Life is crazy isn't it? It really does just fly by. "For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away." (James 4:14) 

The past several weeks have felt like a vanishing vapor. Robb and I decided that, since we met on New Year's Eve five years ago, what better day to get married than New Year's Eve! Yes, I do mean THIS New Year's Eve, December 31, 2011. Obviously, that has left little time for planning, especially since Robb has been working a lot of overtime and I am working full-time and doing the holiday show at Barksdale Hanover Tavern (Blue Ridge Mountain Christmas). 

Thankfully, we don't have to do it all ourselves. We have the incredible Jennings Whiteway as our wedding planner, who has already alleviated so much stress by taking care of multiple details and making sure we stay on schedule with everything. If you're engaged and need a planner, you need to call her right now! (Seriously, just ask me, I will give you her number!) Also, my great bosses of 6½ years are graciously letting us have the wedding ceremony and reception at the beautiful Empire Theatre, which will celebrate its 100th birthday on Christmas Day. We couldn't ask for a more perfect and special place to exchange our vows and celebrate with our closest friends and family.

I know I really should cherish these fleeting moments leading up to our wedding day. But in some ways, I am glad they are "just a vapor" because I am so looking forward to being married to the greatest man in the world!

Engaged... at the beach!

Well, he surprised me alright.

Me, and six others (seven if you count the 3-year-old).

Robb presented me with a gorgeous piece of bling during our annual theatre beach weekend at the Outer Banks in Rodanthe, NC. My initial response to seeing the velvety black box, was, well.... I was in shock ok?!

R: [silently slipping the box into my purview]
E: Babbling mindlessly about something, then noticing said box. [eyes wide. gasp.] "What's IN there?!"
R: [smiling] That's for you.
E: [still aghast] "Is it a RING?!"
R: [exasperated] "Why don't you open it?"
E: [opening box] "What IS THIS?! Is this what I THINK IT IS?!"
R: [still exasperated] "Yes, I hope you'll put it on."
E: More mindless babbling, some laughing and crying. Then, "You haven't asked me anything."
R: "What do you mean?"
E: "You haven't asked me THE question."
R: [sighing. exasperated. smiling and obliging.] "Will you marry me?"
E: "YES!!!"
R: "Good!"

The next several minutes were also priceless. We told Sara and Tracy next. Tracy shrieked. Sara cried. (She is pregnant but I think she would have cried anyway.) Then, we told Carlos and Lucas and Stacie. Carlos and Lucas gave very appropriate and manly congratulatory responses. Stacie happened to be brushing her teeth. She threw her hands in the air and left the toothbrush in her mouth to hug me. I think she may have gagged a little. Jeff found out a little bit later from a very excited Tracy.

The whole weekend was brilliant -- wonderful weather, fun people, lots of celebrating. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

It was bright outside. That, and we were pretty happy. :)