Choosing my words

You know when you overhear that comment about you that you weren't supposed to hear? Something that probably would have been said in a different way with more carefully chosen words had the speaker known you'd be listening?

Yeah. That happened to me today.

We've all been guilty of bad-mouthing at some point or another. No one can be on their best behavior all the time. And while the comments I heard immediately hurt my feelings, made me defensive and stirred up a bunch of negative emotions, the words also made me think about what I had done to provoke such comments. I also got to thinking about what I say about other people who I assume aren't listening.

There is a Russian saying, "слова слова слова!" ("words, words, words!"), meaning that whatever has been said is empty and meaningless. Yet, words have immense power. Even the most innocent of remarks can cause great harm -- or great good.

How many proverbs and psalms and nuggets of wisdom have been written about choosing words wisely? One slip of the tongue can end a friendship, dissolve a marriage, ruin a business, end a political campaign or even a presidency. If words are this important, why aren't we more careful with what we say? Is it because we're lazy? Does it take too much time and effort to think about what we say before we say it -- do we think it doesn't really matter? Or is it because we live in such a fast-paced world that we assume people aren't listening most of the time anyway?

I heard a great quote by Maya Angelou when I was in college and it's one I need to remind myself of more often: "People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel."

Words can wound; words can heal. Words can destroy; words can uplift. Words can ruin someone's day; words can make someone's day.

I can't control the words that come out of other people's mouths, but I can control my own. I have to believe that if I do, the likelihood of a repeat of today will be greatly diminished. And that's incentive enough for me.