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I like your Christ; 
I do not like 
your Christians.  
—Mohandas Ghandi

This quote has been on my mind a lot in the last couple months. There are likely thousands of others who share this viewpoint, and I can't say I blame them. 

The term "Christian" really doesn't mean anything. Or rather, it has grown to encompass such a broad spectrum of beliefs and behaviors that I would venture to say the term has become as far removed as ever from its original meaning of "one who follows Christ," and has even taken on a negative connotation.

I can't help but wonder about the traits of those Christians Ghandi encountered. Were they self-righteous? Self-centered? Self-aggrandizing? Did they justify nefarious behavior for the purposes of proselytizing? Did they discriminate? Judge? Belittle? Perhaps the opposite—perhaps their lives were marked by idle indifference or passivity. Or, perhaps Ghandi was unable to discern any difference between the lives of Christians and the lives of non-Christians—in which case, what's the point?

This is not a post about hypocrisy, or abuses of the church, or political extremism. I just wanted to share what has been on my heart, in the hope that maybe what I have to say will encourage others who face similar challenges of faith. Lately, I've felt called to examine my own life and my own belief system, and ask myself whether I could have been the type of "Christian" that led Ghandi to make that statement. 

Living as an authentic Christ follower is hard. That's not an excuse, it's just a fact. Jesus confirmed this would be the case when he told his disciples (the first Christ followers) very clearly, In this world you will have trouble. (John 16:33) He didn't say, "you might  have trouble." He also told them, Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. (Luke 6:22)  Not "if  they hate, exclude, insult, reject"... when. 

One thing that is  easy in today's America is to be comfortable. I include myself in this statement. It is so easy for me to settle into a routine and live a vanilla life. Yes, I have occasional adventures, but usually for my own enjoyment. Am I really living the way Christ intended? What would that  life look like?

Among other characteristics, a life that follows Christ is one of love, selflessness, compassion, patience, self-control, generosity, kindness... boldness. I found over two dozen Bible verses that contain the word "boldness," many of which have to do with professing one's faith, and living a life that reflects it. (Acts 4:13, Philippians 1:20, I John 4:17, among others).

Choosing to boldly follow Christ takes courage. Why? Because doing so means willingly stepping into trouble, hatred, exclusion, insults, and rejection. So why would anyone deliberately follow that path? The truth is, fear keeps many from doing just that. And admittedly, it has been a challenge for me.

But what I have discovered is that despite the difficulties we are sure to encounter for following Christ, we do not face those challenges alone. (Deuteronomy 31:8, Matthew 28:20)

In fact, we have been promised two rewards when we do: 

1. Victory over the troubles of the world. 
[T]ake heart! I have overcome the world. (John 16:33) 

2. Blessing when we endure troubles for following Christ. 
Blessed are you when men hate... exclude... insult... reject... (Luke 6:22) 

This means we will move past the negative experiences to receive the blessing that flows when we cast our fears aside and boldly follow Him.  I have come that they may have life, and have it more abundantly. (John 10:10) Christ empowers us to share out of the abundance we receive and be a blessing to others—to be the hands and feet of Jesus in a world that desperately needs Him. 

I can't help but wonder what Ghandi would have said had he met Christians whose lives truly reflected Christ. We can only speculate. Personally, I have reached a point in my life where I want to embrace boldness, live authentically, and reflect the light of Christ in a dark world.  

You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:14,16)  

Oh, MONEY.

I have never been very good with handling it. There's a song by Twin Cities band, Greazy Meal (popular in the late 90's), that has the lyric, "I don't like money, but I sure like what it buys." Ain't that the truth.

I will also admit that over the years, I have racked up some hefty credit card debt, particularly when I did AmeriCorps*VISTA and my monthly income was $700. I'm still paying for those groceries on my Citibank MasterCard. My divorce also took a toll on my credit. Plastic is NOT my friend.

The pastor at my church is doing a three week series called "ATM" -- Attitude, Treasure, Mission. The underlying theme is that we need to re-think money, particularly its value and purpose in our lives.

I totally get that. I fully understand the benefits of living a life of generosity and selflessness. But how can I truly give AND live generously if I am still, quite literally, paying for past mistakes?

I can make budgets and expense lists till the cows come home. The majority of my income is spent on "necessity bills" and "debt bills." After that, if I have anything left, I give to charity, and (maybe) buy groceries and cat food.

When the economy tanked, Theatre IV was in the same boat as many other nonprofits, which forced some difficult decisions: layoffs, pay cuts and increased employee out-of-pocket health care. For many of us, that translates to salary levels at or below where they were five years ago.

I realize that having a lesser-paying job is still better than having no job and that all things considered, I am incredibly blessed and face better circumstances than many. But for someone like me, who has never been particularly savvy regarding money matters, I am finding myself constantly stressing about it. Usually, most of my money is gone the Monday after payday (which is every two weeks).

On the drive home yesterday, I was wishing I could figure out how to sell more drawings or stained glass to supplement my income. But then I realized that if I want to sell more art, I have to make time to create it. Another scarce resource these days.

I'm in rehearsals right now for "Keep on the Sunny Side" at Swift Creek Mill Theatre. When the show starts, the extra income starts. However, the four weeks of rehearsals are unpaid and it's a 20 mile drive to the Mill five or six times a week. When the show is running, it will still be three to four times a week. I haven't done the math, but I'm guessing it's pretty close to a wash in terms of extra income compared to money spent on gas... or "money out the tailpipe" as my grandfather put it.

Yes, I would like some cheese with my whine, thank you.

This is pretty much a vent session. I know many other people are in the same predicament. I just wish one of us had a universal solution.

Vietnam

Some of you might know that I am bound for Vietnam this summer. On July 26th, I will travel to the other side of the earth with a team from my church, Area 10 Faith Community. Our task is to provide critically needed supplies for and build lasting relationships with the staff and children of SS3, a state-run orphanage 45 minutes outside of Hanoi.

It might sound strange, but making the decision to go on this trip was both simple and extremely difficult -- simple, in that I have always wanted to do something like this and now felt like the time; difficult in that I knew there would be many hurdles to jump in order to make it happen (and if you know me, you know I'm no hurdler!). There was also no guarantee that, even if I threw my name in the hat, I would be chosen to go.

Ultimately, I chose to cast all the "difficulties" aside and trust the simple urge in my heart. I applied and was accepted. Next came the hurdles.

PASSPORT. Having never traveled outside the U.S. (besides Canada and Mexico, pre-passport requirement), I needed to obtain a passport. We would also need visas, but one of the team leaders was taking care of that for us; however, a passport was needed in order to get a visa, and the turn-around time for those was more questionable. In light of this, understandably, we were asked to get passports as soon as possible. I applied in early March, thinking that would allow plenty of time, as the "normal processing time" was four weeks. Others applied around the same time I did, and received their passports in almost exactly four weeks. I, on the other hand, waited. And waited. And waited. I knew the team leaders were getting anxious to submit the visa application paperwork. I checked with the passport agency, and there was nothing wrong with my application. The status was, "processing." I thought for a moment that this first hurdle might mean I would remain firmly planted on Virginia soil come July. Then, on May 7th (Norway's Independence Day, incidentally), I received my passport in the mail. Thank you God!

FUNDRAISING.  Raising money has been my 9-5 job for nearly 10 years. I have written grants and letters asking corporations, foundations and individuals for donations ranging from $10 to $1 million. But, I have never had to solicit my family and friends. I was nervous about how my "pitch" would come across. I certainly didn't want anyone to feel obligated or guilted into supporting my trip. At the same time, I wanted to make it clear that without their support, it would not happen. Chris, our pastor, regularly encouraged us to "get after it" -- "it" being fundraising; making calls, sending letters and emails, etc. Even with his prompting, I put off sending letters. And put it off some more. And then I realized that it wasn't really up to me. Going on this trip was a divine calling. And in order to go, I would need money. And to get money, I would have to ask and have faith that it would come. When I finally sent out my letters, I was overwhelmed by the response. In no time at all, I already had accumulated more than half my goal. Over the last couple months, some people have backed out of the trip for various reasons, which meant that the individual fundraising goals for the rest of us have been bumped up a couple times. The goal has gone from $2,200 to $2,700 per person. I'm nearly there and would still welcome gifts of all sizes.

SPIRITUALITY.  In my own mind, I've always been relatively steady in my faith. Of course, most everyone has their moments of doubt and uncertainty along the way, and I am no exception. But even through my more "worldly" years, I still turned to God for guidance. This trip has got me thinking hard about my faith -- in a good way. But it has also caused my insecurities and fears to bubble to the surface. Who am I to go halfway around the globe like some sort of Crusader? What difference can I possibly make in the lives of these people? Am I doing this for the right reasons? Am I in this for me, or am I in it for God's purpose? These are the types of anxious thoughts that have been swirling through my mind lately. But today, I was reminded of a wonderful quote by Marianne Williamson that addresses these very questions:

"We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

My prayer for this trip is that I, my team, and the people we serve in Vietnam not only would be liberated from fear, but that we would all recognize our uniqueness, our preciousness, and the invaluable roles we get to play in this world as children of God. 

Hòa bình!

(Peace!)

¿Qué pasó a abril?

What happened to April?

I just looked at the calendar and had a small panic attack. There are four days left in the month. What?! How is it possible that May starts this Saturday?

My mom told me about a NOVA special on PBS recently. In it, scientists explained their discovery that the expansion of the universe is speeding up. This means that time is quite literally going faster but we don't notice because it's all relative. (Right, Mr. Einstein?) Something like that. Anyway, add to that the fact that practically everything in our daily lives is designed to move at the fastest speed possible, and in the time you took to consider it all, it'll be time to flip the calendar again. Next thing we know, it'll be December 31 and we'll be reflecting on the blur that was 2010.

But before that, I'm forcing myself to take a look at April. It was a good ol' month, despite the fact that I have to refer to my planner to actually remember what I did, in addition to the usual 9-5...  

A Grand Night for Singing opened at Swift Creek Mill Theatre on April 1st. The callouses on my fingers reminded me that it was not a joke -- that I was, in fact, playing the harp in an 8-week show with some amazingly talented actors and musicians.

Robb & I went to church on Easter Sunday, and thoroughly enjoyed the STOMP-like worship service. (This is an old pic; I couldn't find one from Easter.)

 I saw my coworker Jeanie in a great show at Richmond Triangle Players, Last Summer at Bluefish Cove.

 

I participated in Chalk Up the Town in Carytown.


I helped Robbie clean out a bunch of stuff from his apartment and move it into storage, which included parallel parking Theatre IV's production van (I'm still quite proud of this accomplishment).

And finally, my last stretch of my 10-week Spanish class came to a close with a tasty meal at Chicken Fiesta in the west end.

I guess that's what happened to April! Bring it on, May.